Bitch Blog - just bitchin'

Just Bitchin' about: Identity Theft

Mon, 13 Dec 2010 22:21:35 -0500

Tonight my husband went to pick up dinner (hey…I called, ordered and arranged to have it picked up, the way I was raised that’s called, “making dinner!”). He comes home, gives me a look (the one that says, “ummm, I think you might have gone shopping and spent money you know you shouldn’t have but in order for me to appear ‘cool’ about it I better play this the right way.”) As his head is turned ever-so-slightly he informs me…in the shape of a question (when the voice inflection at the end of the sentence is a bit higher than it started) that when he went to use his debit card (for an account that only he has the debit card for…I simply log in and transfer directly to my account:) and that his card was denied for dinner! I can assure you that while I can absolutely over-order, that there is more than enough in this account to cover a take-out meal! So I go over to the computer (secretly relieved that I knew I didn’t do anything this time) and log in to our account and we find that there are 4 sep charges over a 3 day period to Sprint! We don’t even have Sprint! (Again, I’m secretly relieved that I’m not guilty). So, completely confident that I’m not in the wrong, I call the bank. The lady was very nice and informed us that they will indeed put the money back and investigate the issue. She was “shocked and disgusted” with the depths people go to in order to steal from others. She kept saying how sorry she was (I was all too happy to speak with her….because, I had done nothing wrong!!). She even won me over when she observed that these “people spend so much time stealing that if they put forth the effort into getting a job that they put into committing fraud that they wouldn’t need to!!”. I was now doubly happy…not only did I not spend one thing I wasn’t supposed to, I also was talking to a kindred spirit. Seriously, I was about to ask her if she was local, we were going to go to Starbucks tomorrow. However, she blew it when she got a bit too personal and “went there” with me in regards to her 2 boys, ages 15 and 8. Both opposite, one is very responsible, the other will never drive. I was waiting for their bowel movement schedule but she completed her report before I could hear about it, but they do go to Montessori school and are very bright. Of course they are! The asshole who stole our account is pretty bright, too. In fact, I think us honest, hard-working, tax-paying people are the dumb ones! What the he’ll do these schmucks know that we don’t!? Seriously, no one knows our ATMcode (sometimes I don’t even know), we don’t leave the card out. Someone literally had to copy the number or find the slip at a restaurant, and figure out how to use the card. We, however, spend 10 minutes dialing the small-as-shit number on the back of the card, another 5 minutes punching the 16 digit number into the phone, 5 more minutes wading through the “push-this-button-if-you-want-us-to-return-your-money” or, press-this-number-if-you-want-to-give-up-because-this-takes-too-long”, and then about 30 minutes explaining the story and listening to the person helping you explain all the details of their lives because they know we are their prisoner until the report is filed….cause if we don’t listen they can hang up…then we have to start all over again! Lastly, we were asked if the person is caught if we’d want to prosecute…no, we’d like to invite them over (we’d of course call them on their Sprint phone) and ask them about their kids…maybe they go to school with the bank lady… Of course we want them prosecuted…I want them to pay for my dinner, too. Because it was cold byrne time I got to actually eat it!!! Quit your bitchin’…that’s why we’re here!!

Just Bitchin' about: Identity Theft

Mon, 13 Dec 2010 22:13:12 -0500

Just Bitchin' About: Courts

Fri, 23 Apr 2010 00:25:00 -0400

Well, I received a speeding ticket recently. I also completed the online defensive driving course. The course was almost 7 months ago. This new ticket couldn’t be handled the same way … I had to actually go down to the County Court to sign up for deferred adjudication.

Basically, I pay a fine and then cannot get a ticket for 24 hours.

Really? 24 hours?

A whole day?!!!

Why don’t they just give you the option to pay a certain amount if you agree to the day without tickets, and another slightly higher fee that says, “I’m not planning on speeding. However, I feel like the pressure of 24 hours hanging over me might be too much and might actually cause me to speed”. I think the city could make some money on that. Not to mention cutdown on processing fees … (food for thought)

At any rate, I head down to the part of town you don’t want to run out of gas in to handle this ticket … First of all, when I arrive I find several people lingering in the parking lot. Most of them were candidates for Ambush Makeover. After I enter the courthouse, not really knowing what to expect, I’m greeted by the lovely smell of BO. It was quite strong, and actually stopped me in my tracks for a minute. I was instructed to pick a number and wait. As I sat on the bench (hard as a rock I might add), I was grateful to have a new bottle of purell with me. As I’m waiting I notice the Orkin man there, a guy who possibly was deciding if I was worth jumping in the parking lot after I left and another man who I swear was Snoop Dogs cousin. Finally my number is called and I find out that I will have to return to Large Marges cubicle because our registration was done in the wrong county.

The bright light at the end of the day was that I asked if my husband, also an attorney who is on a “special” retainer could appear for me. Marge didn’t know, so she waddled over to her supervisor who said he could because he was my attorney of record. In fact, it turns out, he could have handled this the entire time. I walked to my car cussing the fact that I had to go out there AND that neither my husband or his very capable assistant couldn’t figure that out on their own.

So, I called my husbands assistant who told me he did, in fact call 3 times and asked the clerk if my attorney could appear for me and he said he was told no each time.” Did you ever ask for a supervisor?” I asked. Based on the silence on the other end of the phone, the answer is no. NO!

The clerk who sits at a desk everyday and enters the same thing over and over again has no clue!!! I have no legal background and asked the supervisor …

Is it really that hard people?

Is it?

So, I wasted my day, put my life in jeopardy and the only thing I have to show for it is a large amount of leverage over my husband and his assistant …

It’s good to be the queen.., b:)!

Quit your bitchin’, that’s why I’m here….

Just Bitchin' About: Divorce

Sat, 02 Jan 2010 20:06:02 -0500

Divorce sucks! It’s hard for all involved. To see people who were married for a reason and have kids together get a divorce is really, really hard. It’s hard to see the couple hurting , and hurting each other. Why does this happen to people who once chose to be together, who chose to have kids and build a life together? What can make you feel that much animosity to just say, “it’s over!”. Not that it’s any ONE persons fault..but can’t you talk to each other before it gets to this point!!! Communication is key to any relationship and it takes work and skill to communicate well with anyone. I’m very lucky and maybe that’s what I think I have to take from watching this…that I am lucky and I will not take it for granted! But, watching this happen to people you care about is really shitty!!! So, getting on my soap box: be happy with what you have…if you want to keep something, work at it!!!

Quit your bitchin’, that’s what I’m here fir!!!

Just Bitchin' About: DisneyWorld

Thu, 31 Dec 2009 17:18:23 -0500

Just took our three kids to DisneyWorld. We really had a great time. We were lucky enough to have a pass that allowed us to bypass most of the long lines for rides and the occasional character “meet ‘n greet”. However, I have to admit going to Disney this time I observed some not-so-nice things about “The happiest place on earth”. A few observations:

1). Walking off the Monorail one night after a gorgeous display of fireworks there was a distinct cry. One that was heard above and beyond the usual whines of, “Mommy, I wanted to get the Mickey balloon. YOU PROMISED!!!”. No, this was the actual cry of a newborn. You heard me, A NEWBORN! Looking around because my radar senses couldn’t stand the sound. I spotted the culprit. Thinking I’d see a family with several kids and their newest member (cause MAYBE that’d be okay). To my disgust I saw two parents (culprits), one stroller with a baby seat attatched to the top. AND THAT WAS IT!!! Seriously, do these idiots think that their maybe 4 month old will remember meeting Mickey!!? I kind of secretly (well, as secret as this can be) hope that this kid kept them up all night long with a nightmare of a giant mouse hovering over him. I don’t want the baby to feel scared, I just want the parents to realize that there us no rush! Keep your baby a baby..,Disney will happen…just not while he’s still learning how to lift his head!

2). As we were walking through the Magic Kingdom, specifically near Mickeys house, my 12-year-old asked me if I still like Disney. Now, normally I’d just say, without really thinking..”of course, who doesn’t”. Instead, I took a moment, really thought about it and said, “Yes, I like seeing you guys seeing Disney. I think it’s neat to see what you guys liked 5 years ago compared to now. I also like seeing what this place means to so many people. This is the vacation of a lifetime for some. And, being here makes me remember how lucky we are. I ended it with that. However, let me add: this is true. We are lucky. Wouldn’t it be nice if i remembered this more often, on a daily basis! Wouldn’t it also be nice if other people did, too. Meaning: if this is family time, don’t make your 3-year-old who is afraid of a ride go on it. Don’t make your kid wait an hour to meet Goofy when the giant dog/man scares them into crying/screaming fits! Guess what? That’s not fun! Not fun for you, for your kid, for the man dressed up in the giant costume (that’s right kiddos…Goofy’s a fraud!!!!!!), and, not fun for the rest of the people who really want to meet the moron dressed in a 100 degree animal/human suit!

3) it’s a small world, afterall… Never have I understood this more than after I was on countless rides, monorails and in packed restaurants (it’s usually about the food with me;), trams and other common areas with tens of thousands of people. Yep, I pretty much decided that I am now, officially a germaphobe! I must have purelled my hands and my family’s hands more than 30 times each day. I probably held my breath more than usual when someone coughed or sneezed. Can you stay home if you are sick!!!! Seriously! I’m pretty sure DisneyWorkd and most vacation spots will be around for a long, long time.. So, stay home, take your medicine, get some rest and, when you are better…feel free to go visit. Do you really want to be around all of those people when you are sick? I’m thinking you really don’t! So… DON’T!!

4) whatever happened to manners? Is it not common courtesy in some countries to say “excuse me” if you bump into someone. Is that not what we are supposed to do!!! Or, how about if you walk in front of someone who is taking a picture… They are NOT trying to get your big ass head in their picture. I’m thinking they don’t want that in their photo book, or Facebook, or whatever they use to document the fact that they were there…in front of Cinderellas castle, at DisneyWorkd during the fireworks… They want THEM in the picture NOT YOU! If you do walk in between the photographer and photographer while they are taking a picture, stop and say you are sorry! It really does mean something (at least it does to me!!).
Speaking of manners: let the little kids who can’t stand long, or the elderly, or the man with the crutches, or lady with the large diaper bag that looks like a portable restroom sit down when they can! Let those people sit on the 2-minute ride from the parking lot to the ticket line. Let them get on tram that takes them to their car that’s parked in Pluto-5 before you. if you have to wait a few minutes longer ITS OKAY, at least you can stand!!

5) well-done. Anything worth doing is worth doing well. A very true phrase and Disney IS well-done. Employees are “cast members,”. Parking lots in each theme park are named appropriately: Magic Kingdom has Mickey1 all the way through the dwarfs and beyond. We, were in Sneezy 94. And still, the park is so efficient that it only took a 7-minute tram ride to get to our lot! Every cast member had a smile on their face, even the ice cream vendor who had to listen to, “I want vanilla with chocolate…why can’t I have that!!? ” (and, I felt bad after for crying about it:). The ride operators were polite as people took a bit of their time to ask them make sure the safety restraint on the Rock n Roll Rollercoaster really was secure enough for their 9 1/2 year-old (again, I felt overprotective, but I got over it once I realized that surely I couldn’t be the ONLY mom to make them check (as they were about to send us out into the dark ride), right?
Disney truly is a place where dreams can come true so do me a favor: when/if you go there. Go there being thankful, go there wanting to see the miracles that Disney offers many, go there with your family to be a family, go there when you aren’t in a rush, go there because you want to, go there knowing its a magical place, for everyone, for different reasons, go there knowing you might have to wait a bit because everyones “magic moments” are different and sometimes some moments just take longer for different people for different reasons.

We had a great time, even as I vividly remember turning to my kids who were arguing about what seat they were sitting in on the way to the Magic Kingdom. I remember turning to them and yelling, “THIS IS THE HAPPIEST PLACE IN THE WORLD, SO STOP FIGHTING AND BE HAPPY, DAMNIT! WE ARE A FAMILY, NOW ACT LIKE ONE!!!!!”. I remember it and so does my family, in fact, I don’t care if anyone agrees with what I said or not. Fact is: it’s one of our magic moments!!

Quit your bitchin’, that’s why I’m here.

Just Bitchin: Cause I Can

Tue, 22 Dec 2009 20:08:22 -0500

On a plane (seems to be a theme for the blog) and a lady sits next to me. Okay, even though there are a lot if empty seats I’m okay with it.. Until I hear her cough, and cough, and cough. Seriously!!!! Can they create an are at security that screens people who are coughing? Everytime she coughed, I turned my he’D to the window and held my breath. So, now I’m 22,000 feet in the air turning blue! Welcome to Southwest Airlines, wanna get away!!?

Quit Your Bitchin: Thats Why Im Here!!

Just Bitchin' About 40 Being the New 30?

Tue, 01 Dec 2009 22:10:06 -0500

Who said 40 is the new 30? Oprah? The fashion industry? I’m not sure………… Let me just say this - there are benefits, but come on - the new 30? This is what I, as a 42 year old woman, have to say about 40. My vision is gone - that is I can’t read a lipstick name or small type on that book I may want to read - nope, my children now shop with me and tell me what lipstick color I want to buy. And wrinkles - they were not there at 30. They are here at 40. So my choice is Botox in my forehead and other crap in my cheeks? I mean some people who overdo that stuff look like muppets (sorry). I don’t want to look like a muppet. So do I think I can age gracefully? I have not decided yet. I am told I look young for my age, and that should make me happy, but I do look in the mirror and I see the difference and that makes my wrinkles get worse cuz I am actually fretting about it. And guess what else can happen! Your bladder can drop and you have to have surgery to fix it - I AM NOT KIDDING! This has not happened to me yet (praise G-D), but hey I know 2 people already who have had to do this - OMG! Like I said there are benefits - like I have totally quit hanging out with people who are a waste of my time and I actually feel so much more free - there is too little time on this planet to hang out with those who bring you down. So let’s just say 40 is 40 and 30 is 30 and I KNOW 20 is 20. Just reality. So quit your bitchin…………that’s why I’m here.

Just Bitchin' About: Nail Places

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 17:31:00 -0500

It’s been awhile since my last blog. I really have a lot to bitch about. However, right now I will focus on what’s on my mind at this moment… My niece is in town for Thanksgiving. We have been going to the same nail place for many years. They are really nice people. However, today me, my two daughters, sister and niece went to get our nails done. All of us except my niece were seated immediately. My niece was asked to sit in an area away from the rest of us and no one came to start her appointment. My niece is 16, and VERY outspoken. So, she told them and then told them to forget it… Then, she went downstairs to tell the owner (we’ve been coming here a long time). When she left 6 employees start talking fast and in Korean. I, being quite vocal myself, ask them what they said about my niece. Quickly they respond: “nothing, we weren’t”. I, being no Mensa student, but being quite bright (if I say so myself), say, “wow! Then y’all must have all had some other thought pop in your head at the same time. That’s amazing.”. I then turn to my oldest and say, “maybe we should speak in a different language too.”. So, now I’m sitting here praying that I wasn’t given the old nail cutters, nail files and put in a “spa” tub that wasn’t properly disinfected!!! So, as my nails are being done by a lady who keeps coughing (swine flu) I am hoping she didn’t give me a “special” pedicure:)!! Quit Your Bitchin’, that’s why I’m here!

Just Bitchin' about: Facebook

Sat, 17 Oct 2009 13:22:38 -0400

I like Facebook. In fact, I have a page. But to protect the names if those I might bitch about, the actual page will remain unnamed. I don’t post a lot on my “status”. In fact, I’ve only updated it one time. However, I do enjoy being able to keep in touch with those I might not otherwise call, email or even text. I admit that I have the “APP” on my phone and look at it more than once a day if I can and scroll down the “status updates” part. Sometimes I comment, sometimes I don’t. Truly we live in a different age these days. Everything is instant, no waiting (another day I’ll “bitch” about how this bugs me with regards to how this affects my kids!). But, for right now, let me say this: Facebook started out with good intentions: college kids getting out there, maybe connecting with other college kids who they new or have like interests. Maybe placi g their resume on their Facebook for potential employers. Now we have college kids, college graduates connecting with old classmates from high school and college (that’s what interested me), teenagers and pre-teens, too! Again, the pre-teen/teen Facebook pages is for another “bitch!”. My complaint is this: I DO NOT WANT TO READ ABOUT YOUR EVERY FUCKING MOVE!!! Seriously!!!!! I do not give a rats ass if you are: leaving your house to go to the mall, driving to get your kids, thinking of a number between 1 and 10 or deciding where to go to eat! I also don’t want to see everything you are eating at a restaurant, if I wanted that, guess what: I’d ask you to go out to eat! I also don’t want to know if you hate your boss … Why would you post that anyway? Can’t your boss, ir co-workers who hate you see that and show your boss? I don’t want to read concersations between you and your buddy, spouse, kid, aunt, etc… I’m pretty sure there are private emails and even a damn PHONE you can pick up if it’s that important…. But nit in your status stuff!!! Everyone who us “friends” with you sees your “updates” as they login to Facebook. Really: don’t tell the world that you maybe have to go to the bathroom! Instead say. “hey, in case you’re ever in need of a public toilet while you are in the mall go to:FILL IN THE BLANK….”. So much better!!! I’m at a football game now, and I have to go to the bathroom..but I’m writing this here b/c it doesn’t belong on my Facebook! I also smell the severe BO from the guy in front if me.. In fact, I’m a bit conflicted: I like the breeze b/c it provides relief from the sun, but the breeze also brings with it the whif of onions from this guy!!!
I haveany thoughts that go throughout my head during the day: but, really… not all of my Facebook “friends” need to see it…especially because they ALL are not really my “friends”.
“quit your bitchin’… That’s why I’m here”

Just Bitchin' About: ignorance

Thu, 08 Oct 2009 23:33:40 -0400

Okay, I’m not perfect and I admit it. I’m pretty obsessed at this point with purell and Lysol these days. I actually sing in my head at least one verse of “Happy Birthday to You” when I wash my hands with soap… I do this b/c some doctor on Oprah or the View or some other show told us that this was about how long we had to wash our hands in order for it to be effective. I’m pretty happy he didn;t want us to sing “Frere Jacques” I’m not sure I would want to have to sing so many rounds… OKay, moving on… Our house recently had a visit from the Swine Flu.. it hit 2 kids and a husband. It is rampant around my kids school (as it is around most schools these days). My son went to school last week, and I was called about 1 hour after he arrived because he had a headache and small fever. i pretty much thought that he had “it” and took him straight to the doctor. Of course, he was positive. Okay, no worries, he was fine… Later that day I took my other 2 kids to a party and was asked if my son was “sick or does he have swine flu?” Really? I wasn;t aware there was a difference between being sick and the flu. Are they not the same? Really???!!! I replied, “well, both.” I was met with a “ooohhhhh…. ” then this lady turned to her daughter and said, “stay away from the siblings.” As I processed this, tried to maintain my cool… many responses went though my head. Things like, “No worries, my kids can’t stand yours anyway. No problem, no one wants to be near your kids anyway. How about, hey , promise we can make this a permanent thing.” But, I just said, “that’s nice.” Which I was actually a bit shocked that it came out of my mouth.. I was really proud of myself… I was met by the rude mother with a “well, I’m just trying to be creaful” (Now, so you know the backstory: this mom is currently going through chemo treatments for breast cancer. She looks good, and is expected to make a full recovery. i’m not at all trying to belittle this situation… I really would never wish that on anyone…) However: IF YOU ARE TRYING TO BE EXTRA CAREFEUL THAN WHY IN THE HELL WOULD YOU GO TO A PARTY THAT HAS A LOT OF KIDS WHO ATTEND A SCHOOL WHERE THERE HAVE BEEN MANY CASES OF SWINE FLU, STREP AND OTHER VIRUS’!!! And, why would you go the night you had a treatment? So, now it’s my fault that kids are getting sick? Really!!!!!??? I guess it was that trip we took to the farm that allowed us to roll around in the pig pen. That must have been it. You stupid, righteous, condesending, no-personality, no class bitch! LEAVE MY KIDS OUT OF IT! They are not the center of the CDC’s investigations.. We know the risks of sending our kids (and ourselves) out into the “world” to be among the people.. it’s a fucking risk we take everyday!!! Now, I have t go and put some Purell on the keyboard!

“Quit your bitchin’… that’s why we’re here”

Just Bitchin' About: ignorance

Thu, 08 Oct 2009 23:12:15 -0400

“Quit your bitchin’… that’s why we’re here”

Just Bitchin'About School Carpool

Wed, 23 Sep 2009 11:59:04 -0400

Today I was gonna bitch about language, but lo and behold my partner in crime covered that subject. I’ll just add - if you move here learn the language. That’s it. Now carpool line is hell and I know many of us moms and dads deal with this everyday. I’m not always saying that I am the perfect rule follower, but for the sake of the kids, can this be the one place that people just do the right thing. I mean - no cell phone, no speeding, using a crosswalk and generally being considerate while in your car. I am sick of the nutjobs who drive like maniacs through our school lot, but actually will slow down in a school zone…………..hmmmmmmmm. Is there a difference????

Just Bitchin' About...Foreign Language

Mon, 21 Sep 2009 11:09:30 -0400

Picking up my car today and waiting to pay for it’s service I stood in a line about 4 people deep. The line was not moving at all, Why? Why? Because the lady checking out spoke NO English and the poor service checkout girl was trying as hard as she could to understand her. She had to call an advisor over who also couldn’t understand her. He was calling one of the Hispanic technicians over to translate what she was saying. Please note: the customer understood the service people enough to nod her head in agreement and to shake her head when she wasn’t satisfied with their responses: which were in ENGLISH! I have three things to say about this:
1) if you live in Anerica and understand the language enough to agree or disagree, why can’t you speak it?
2). If you live in Anerica why can’t you speak the language?
3) if this lady was taking up this much time, why couldn’t the girl or her supervisor go to the other cash register and check everyone else out while they waited for someone to translate?

What is wrong with these people? Is it not common sense? Is it really THAT hard? I think my housekeeper said it best one day to some painters we had at our house.., the Hispanic painters were asking her a question in Spanish, she didn’t understand them. They told her that she should speak Spanish. She looked at them, and deadpanned, “You live in America, you speak American!”

“Quit your bitchin’…that’s why I’m here!”

Just Bitchin' About: Airplane Rides

Thu, 17 Sep 2009 21:55:16 -0400

Sitting on a very small plane this afternoon I was behind a rather large lady. The rows are only 3 across and the seat are pretty bare bones as it is. She decides to lean her chair back during the oh-so-long 55 minute flight. I guess to take a nap, or, possibly to make room for her enormous belly. At any rate, I hate it when people do that.. I especially hate it when they don’t have the common courtesy to turn around and, at the very least, ask you if it’s okay with you. No.. it’s not. My knees are already in my face and now I can’t move to get my People Magazine out of my purse bitch. But, you don’t really care, do you! To make matters worse I had to go to the bathroom… really badly. I had to wait for the small plane to climb to it’s cruising speed before I could unbuckle the rusted seatbelt.. (always wondered why we had these anyways… I mean, if you are going down… aren’t you pretty much screwed? Are we really to believe that the nylon strap and cheap-as-shit metal buckle will keep us safe) So, finally, we were allowed to “roam about the cabin.” Not sure how far we were going to go on the 20 some-odd row plane… but, I was happy to be getting up to at least feel the blood flow in my legs again! I go to the bathroom and, to be honest, it really did not smell very good in there… I know that’s not shocking, but it REALLY DID NOT SMELL VERY GOOD IN THERE!!! I stand up carefully so I don’t accidentally flush my foot down the toilet and put the soap on my hands. All lathered up I turn the water on… no water. I hit the lever again… no water. One more time (because apparently I’m an idiot and thought maybe, just maybe the 3rd time is a charm). Nope, nothing. Then I see 4 individual packets of “hand sanitizer” sitting in a dixie cup near the defunct faucet… Seriously? Can the stewardess (who, by the way, spoke so slowly you wondered how much Xanax she had to take to get on the plane), not post a note so you don’t use the large bottle of soap when there is no working water? It really does not take a genius! Then again, I think she might have been too busy finding the tetanus shot for the people who cut themselves on the seatbelts!

“Quit Your Bitchin’… That’s Why I’m Here”

Just Bitchin' About: Grocery Store Clerks (part 2)

Thu, 17 Sep 2009 18:19:24 -0400

I had to go to the store again today to quickly get some things for our dogs. So, my son and I went to a store not too far from us, however, it doesn’t have a self-checkout machine.. I know, I looked. So, we took our cart filled with some dog food, dog biscuits and dog treats to the nearest checkout lane. As the checker began placing the items on the conveyer belt and I started to help the acne-faced teen pack the transparent plastic bags (I asked for paper). Then I heard it, the checker picks up one of the rawhides, looks at it, puts it down and looks up at my son and says, “You must have a dog.” Seriously??!! My son responds, “we have 3.” Clearasil “before” picture checkout guy says, “Wow! You must spoil them, this is expensive.” My son just looks at me and I look at the check out guy and smile. ”Well, actually this is for us on our way home. You see yesterday I ate 3 gallons of ice cream on my way home.” Well, I didn’t say it but I though it!!

“Quit Your Bitchin’…that’s why I’m here”

Just Bitchin' About: Grocery Store Checkout

Tue, 15 Sep 2009 20:09:01 -0400

Have you noticed the now new “self scanner checkouts” at the grocery stores? I have, I love them! I get my groceries and walk over to the self scanner to checkout of the store. This thing is too easy. You simply take your item, run it over the infrared light and load up your bags. Even the fresh items, like fruits and vegetables have a code that the machine looks up for you… I love it.. No one to ask you stupid questions,”how’s your day?”. Or, ” Hhhmmmm, I’ve never seen these before. Do you like them?”. Or, my favorite, “wow! You have a ton of stuff…do you have a lot of people coming over?”. The best is to look at the idiot and reply, “nope…those 3 gallons of cookie dough ice cream are for me….and I WILL eat them all while driving home….that’s why I have the plastic spoons!!”. So, you can imagine how much I love being able to checkout of a store without being bothered… That is, of course, until today. Today I was enjoying the sounds of the voices in my head when the guy who is in charge of the self-checkout lanes (you’ve seen him: he’s the one who sits at the front of 2 or 3 self checkout counters watching everyone. He’s the guy who makes the beeping stop when the machine says, “item removed from bagging area.”. He knows to make the noise go away because he WATCHES you! It’s great, it’s a wonderful relationship: you scan, put the item in the bag, if something beeps, he fixes it. Really, I truly love this..no talking, I can think, I can zone out, I can talk on my phone and NOT feel rude, I can come up with great ways to solve the economic crisis. Then, today, the teenager in charge of watching all of us self checkers did the unthinkable: he asked me a question!!!! “So, you must really like these checkout counters, I always see you using them. I thought that since you had so much today” (yes, you heard correctly…since I had SO much today) “I thought you’d go to the regular line. But, you did a great job.”. Many things started to swirl around in my head… I did a great job…is it really THAT hard? I have SO much stuff? Well, I have 3 kids, 2 dogs and I need to lose about 25 pounds. Did he really just talk to me? Do I look like a fucking people person? But, all I did was push my packed cart away and smiled at him. After all, my ice cream was melting.

“Quit your bitchin’…that’s why I’m here”

Just Bitchin' About: Crap

Tue, 15 Sep 2009 00:30:00 -0400

No, literally…I’m still bitching about the automotive gift of poop and pee that my 90 pound puppy left in my car 3 days ago. As you know, we were able to get the poop out of the car quite easily. However, the smell of urine is still lingered in my car over the weekend. You might have seen me driving with my kids in the rain with windows down and our heads hanging out the windows. Truly the only thing separating us from the dog was the fact that our tongues weren’t hanging out (well, that and the fact that we can hold our “bidness” until we find a potty).

Which brings me to today … I was on a mission to get the smell out!!! So, I went to the store and bought some baking soda made specifically for pet odors, I also purchased a portable steam cleaner (hey..desperate times …) and a liquid pet deoderizer to use in the steamer. I walked out of the store confident I could beat the incredible scent of 90 pound puppy pee!! Got home, took the special baking soda and LIBERALLY sprinkled it over the entire back of the car..and, I’ll be honest..a little on the ceiling, too. I then took out the special car-wash-aisle scrub brush and rubbed it in. I was going to use the small handyvac we bought when we realized we had enough dog hair in the couch cushions to make a small fur coat..but then I spotted what is now known as “G-Ds greatest invention”. The Shop Vac.

There it was, sitting in it’s corner of the garage using it’s awesome powers to will me to turn my head it’s way… This could work…a vacuum with enough suction to get the “crap” out of my car for once and all. I found the extension cord that was tangled up on the shelves, plugged it in and watched as the white powder that covered my car floor was quickly turning into the neat little lines that the car detailers make for you… It was looking good…I finished, turned the vac off and went to sit in the car…NO WAY!!!!!!! It still smelled!! Not as bad, but bad enough!

So, now I opened my new portable steamer (that I know I’ll probably never use again), read the instructions and filled the tank with pet odor removal detergent and went inside to fill the rest of the way with hot water… I pulled the lever on our instant hot water faucet and completed the filling of the tank…easy, right? Well, I held the instant hot water faucet down and when I went to release it..the water wouldn’t stop! The hot water kept flowing and I’m trying to figure out how to put the tank down without spilling what was in there and at the same time trying to figure out how to turn the damn hot water faucet off. Finally, I traced the pipe to the valve and shut it off (yes, you read correctly.. I ACTUALLY DID THIS ON MY OWN..no plumber, no call to my husband…but on my own!!).

So, armed with my tank of odor killing water I proceded to steam clean the carpet of my car (yep, ceiling, too). Truth be told: the color of the water of the dirty tank was about as close to shit brown as you can get..I guess that makes sense..yuck! Again, I went back to the car and NO WAY! It still smelled…not as bad..but still unpleasant. So, I used the second 1/2 of the super special baking soda and pulled out my new favorite toy, the Shop Vac, and repeated the scrubbing and vacuum procedure…I go to check and….it’s about 85-percent gone now. My kids agree it’s much better now, we only had one window rolled down after school and no one stuck their head out of it. However, besides the fact that I feel like my arms are going to fall off, besides the fact that it’s much better, besides the fact that I have a newfound respect for the inventor if the Shop Vac…all of this is taken into consideration..but, after I repeat my car washing tomorrow IF the smell is there I’m getting a new car!

But, not until after I take my 90 pound puppy (who, I’ve decided, could be the canine version of ‘The Curious Case of Benjamin Button’) back to the vet for her next check up!

Quit your bitchin’…that’s why I’m here.

Just Bitchin' About: pets

Fri, 11 Sep 2009 17:39:13 -0400

We have an 8 month old puppy. She’s HUGE! She’s a Newfoundland and we found out today that she is 90 pounds and is only appx. 80-percent of her end weight! Did I mention we also have 2 more full grown Newfs at home? So, obviously we are sick in the head. On our way to the vet my daughter and I start to smell the oh-so pleasant smell of gas (not gasoline!). Well, if it were just gas it would have been okay. No, not our puppy. She had decided to poop in the car, sitting down and staying down so that she was sitting in it!!! The vet was great, washed her. Helped us clean our car and all was okay… Until we were on our way home. Luckily, my superior intelligence made me ask the vet for a towel.. You know.. Just in case. Well, you guessed it… She did it again! On the towel and had no problem deciding to sit in it again. Maybe it provides some sort of orthopedic cushion for her? So, now I’m throwing out the towel, cleaning the car for a second time and throwing the dog in the pool to get the remains of her massive paws that will only get bigger!!! To top it off when she is fixed (because we simply cannot allow our fecal obsessed dog to procreate) she will also have a “vaginal lift.”. Yes, you read correctly. Her vulva is in too much and needs to have some plastic surgery so that it ‘pops’ out and prevents any infections in the future. I’m thinking this could be an episode of ‘Dr Beverly Hills”. Do you think the vet could give me some lipo at the same time?

“Quit your bitchin’….that’s why I’m here.”

Just Bitchin' About: Email

Thu, 10 Sep 2009 15:14:00 -0400

It’s one of those things in life that we have let become a necessity.

EMAIL! Well now I have yet another email address. My designer thought it would be absolutely fantastic (his words not mine) if I would let my readers email me about my latest posts … sooooo

Have something to bitch about let me know … QueenB@bitchblog.us.

Just Bitchin' About: North Dallas Housewives part 1

Thu, 10 Sep 2009 12:25:00 -0400

Overheard: “Does anyone know of a housekeeper? Mine is braindead. She was cleaning my house on Friday and I got an email last night from the woman I share her with telling me she was at the hospital with no brain activity. It’s so sad, but now I need a housekeeper.” “Quit your bitchin….that’s why I’m here”